So a couple o’ peeps had figured that I had toned down on my editorial pieces for a while now.
Well yase, me sef I know. Bet e see, wen ya bayleveen God for sonetin niuw an’ gud tu appun tuyu, de las tin e nid is a bunch of savages swehreen an’ cusseen vile mteenayss intu eet. Plix yhu peepu shu nor comman rain on my parade. Dunt be a wat… a weeiissth!
I’m still believing God, no doubt… I mean I always do but while I’m heavily vested on that, it won’t stop me from ranting about Nigerian songs and their crappy as hell, cheesy as f@$* lyrics. Now the purpose of this, naming names or quoting lyrics isn’t exactly to spite anybody. I mean these songs really are our favourite picks and the music stars are like mini gods to some of us but still, common sense they say isn’t actually common afterall. I shall be referring to those songs that do not require much or no brain activity at all. For these ones, you literally have to dumb down your smartness (that’s if you have any) so you can effectively fit into it’s listening purpose.
Ngwa, lemme start.
Ice Prince… oya steiip fuhword! *straight face smiley*
You know, I’m very much undecided where Zamani’s penchant in his artistry lies. He likes to ‘sing’ and talk big on his tracks. He play dress up a lot, wearing gold blings, white sneaks, snapbacks and college jacs looking like a high school fashionista. But wouldn’t it have made proper sense if his thought articulation on the music slayed as much as he often does in clothing? I mean. Why would you say, ‘this no be ewa and dodo’ on a song? Oh, you know the one I’m taking about right? Ice Prince especially, has an epic way of breaking me with his lines. Bet I refuse to be broke biikkooo, I shan’t!
D’Prince… clayimb ya seat oso-iso!
I respect Omoba‘s relentless efforts at music (thank you Don Jazzy). But you know how they say what worth doing is worth doing well? D’Prince still has a few to learn. It’ll never be heard from me that his music is pointless, never. How d’you expect me to take seriously anyone who sings ‘now you don shxt for church, con dey wait for somebody to come clean your yansh i-ye’. I honestly can’t.
Seyi Shay… comman sten’ in front of de classroom.
I’ve got mad loves for this chic and I know breaking the Nigerian music market is no easy feat but c’mon, Jangilova? What was you thinking girl, please! ‘The love I get for you, e doubulu times two… The love I get for you, no be man made o, e be jangilova’. Seyi, *sigh* you gatta watch it girl.
Olamide & Lil Kesh… de borrof yhu two, raze ya hends up!
The tricky thing here is how Olamide and his xerox prodigy, Kesh keep getting away with nasty stuff. Ehn, there’s no way Nigerian music history will go down without a mention of their songs. Will you ever remain calm at the sound of ‘eyin omo wobe (wobe), mo gbo information (mation)’? I thought so too. But this Ladi song is just de wurst. I often enter deep soliloquy every time I hear Kesh and his silliness ‘leyin to je banana nana, me I now want yansh her yansh her, she say lick my pulet pulet, I say kai abasha basha’. Please, next.
Kcee… poster color dis tin, ngwa bia hiey.
See, it’s only this one that will sing song and be saying ‘let me be your maga, I want to be your maga’. Iya mme o! As if that wasn’t enough, he continued with ‘and I lovu de way you dey put am for reverse, and especially how you dey match the brake o, girl you correct o, your bumper your boot e no bi joke o’. Las las, the two songs dem sweet die. Some level of sins are allowed (I no talk say na for Bible o) so Kcee, go and sin no more.
Davido & Wizkid… shiydren troublers of Istrel, come h’out!
Did you really think I’d miss them out on this ‘list’? For Wizkid, I’m tempted to putting all the lines I’ve ever heard but then, that would become a whole post on it’s own so I’ll just go with ‘I want your body sleeping in my bed’ and then alluva sudden, ‘Baruwa le leyi, Otedola le leyi, Igimu le leyi’. It’s like he sent me right into limbo. I’m seriously searching for a connection and then I remember that Wizkid is a one kain jaga jaga pikin. Yaga my a$$!
Of which this omo baba olowo purson too now went to go and say ‘I remember when I had no money in my bank account’. I’m like hol’ up, wait. WHAT! No money in where? Ha. Jor ba mi rii bobo yen o. Even me ma sef, I have no memory of when he had no money in his bank account so what are we talking here? Dia’riz God o.
Just so I don’t over stretch martha for matthias, lemme quickly mention Selebobo who I heard saying ‘person wey drive, e suppose to park’ on Yemi Alade’s song, Flavour too sef ‘golibe, your mama born you well’… like!? Then May D who starts to speak in (Yoruba sounding) tongues like some evul spirit has come upon him, Pee-Skway dem that are busy ‘taaiissteen de moni’ and finally, Tonto Dikeh. Her own is to be crazically fit (whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean). She ma is north evin a mizic pesin. So you can imagine the amount and level of insolence she’s breathing into those records. As in, I just… I literally just can’t!
I’m sure you guys have much more “i.e.” from your music repertoire so please, do me well to comment them. And for those of you wondering, I didn’t forget D’Banj oh, I only left him out on purpose 😀
Written by Jim Donnett
The thoughts expressed in this article are solely the author’s. They are not in any way connected with, or a representation of tooXclusive.com